>> Wednesday, January 25, 2012

time has continued on as i was almost unsure it would. i've written an email to you almost every single day. i'm not sure that i'll be strong enough to say goodbye to you in person, which is all right i think. i'll say goodbye the only way i know how. i'm not sure where these words will go after i type them, but i feel them and know that somehow they're going to you. your words saved me more than you knew. your presence in my life was greater than you knew. i think back on some of my most tremendous days, and you were such a huge part of so many of them. the tears i've cried on your shoulder, the laughs we've shared, the fights we've had; they have always been more than just memories to me. they are pieces built in the very foundation of my life as it is today. i always looked up to you. your way with words, your ability to command the attention of an entire room, your warm smile. if i try really hard i can still see you the way you were before, vibrant and full of life. you were so gentle, caring, and loving. even as i try to say goodbye, i find myself trying to claw my way back to any glimmer of hope. the hope that kept you alive for so long. i can't bring myself to say goodbye, to accept that you're gone. i've never been good with that. i know this is selfish of me, and i'm sorry. i miss you.


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